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my name is Jessalyn and im sixteen years old and ive been dealing with SI for five years now. i heard Brett talking at my school today and i thought i should give this a try maybe it would help me out a little bit.
when i was in grade four my parents got a seperation and i started fighting with my sister. my dad came to my school in the middle of the day to get me and my older sister i remember asking him what was wrong when we were walking home i thought something bad happened to somebody cause hes never came to get us so early in the day before but he said nothing was wrong with anyone. when we got home he said he needed to talk to us about something he said he was leaving cause he couldnt deal with our family anymore he said we were to much to handle. i started crying so much i didnt know what to think. he told us his stuff was already at his new house and he called my mum at work and told her to come home and look after us and than he got on his motorcycle and left. when my mum got home she seen how upset i was and she promised me i could sleep with her and she would stay with me until he came back but just one week after one week i guess she forgot she had promised me that and i slept in my room by myself when i just wanted to be with my mum. i started feeling like i was a stupid kid and everything i did was bad. two years later in the middle of grade six he came back to live with us thinkinh that everything was going to be okay but it wasnt it made everything so much harder like he expects us to just forget about him leaving and everything would go back to normal. i hated the fact that he could leave and expect us to take him back. i felt like i was so lost like i didnt know what to do anymore. so in grade seven i started cutting and smoking trying to find things to do to forget about it. my family was a mess and i had nobody to talk to. i had two houses and two families. but it got worse in grade nine and ten. i got raped and got pegnant and than lost the baby, everyone at school was making fun of me i had no friends, the cutting got worse and i started smoking weed and doing other drugs thinking that maybe it would make me forget about everything, but it didnt. i never went to school so i was failing everything, i was always getting in fights with my parents, and i had nobody to talk to. than my friend Brandon died and two of my other friends got shot on halloween than a couple weeks after that i saw three of my friends get shot at buy a group of people that were also my friends on my street, it was so hard to deal with. but that wasnt it, my friend Michael from my school died from cancer, i couldnt figure out why everything bad was happening to me. thankfully the second semester of grade 10 i stopped cutting and me and my sister got close, we did everything together and i loved it. i found a boyfriend and a bestfriend everything was starting to get better. but than everything was starting to go down hill again and i didnt know why. i started cutting and smoking alot, me and my boyfriend were always fighting and my bestfriends mum wouldnt let her talk to me anymore cause she said i had problems. i was scared my life be upside down again and i would have no choice but to kill myself, i thought about it alot thinking that it was the only way to escape from all the pain i felt, it was like no matter what i did it wouldnt stop it just kept getting worse. but when i heard Brett talking to the students at my school today i realized that im not alone and im not the only person that goes through this people do understand and i shouldnt have to do this on my own anymore. he made perfect sence out of everything i was feeling. after the assembly Brett was speaking at i showed my bestfriend all the cuts on my arm, she told me it was okay and she was there for me if i needed anything even if her mum didnt want her talking to me. i told my boyfriend everything i was feeling and going through i told him i needed help and i didnt want to feel so lost anymore. so we told my mum how sad and angry i was all the time and she got some numbers for doctors and hospitals. im going to start going to anger management sessions at the Oshawa Hospital next wendsday. im going to get the help i deserve.so thanks Brett Ullman. everything you said at my schools assemble today really made me realize that no matter whats going on in my life and how bad it is its never to late to get help. you really saved my life.
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