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this is my story, and i hope it offers some hope to others struggling with si. its messy and hard to understand, but maybe you'll get the idea.
when i was ten years old my parents got a divorce and i had to move in with my grandparents. my dad went to iraq with the first infantry division, and my mom was in and out of alcohol rehabs.
my grandparents were really hard on me, and it seemed like they treated me unfairly, differently than my sisters. in my seventh grade year, my best friends decided to hate me. they spread rumors about me, things like i had sex with 2 guys in my grade, and that i was a lesbian. i was struggling with discovering my sexuality at the time. i went into a deep depression. i dont remember much from that time, but i do remember the time that i first cut myself. i dont even know where i got the idea from. i just made a cut on my wrist with a razor, and i immediately felt relieved and all my emotional pain washed out of me like a giant wave. cutting was a way of life for me from then on. if i couldnt have happiness, i could cut, and if i couldnt cut, i could have happiness. i broke up with my boyfriend of one year. i dont even know why. i wasnt thinking clearly. i was crazy. he was really horrible about it. he started harassing me and stalking me. it was more than i could handle. one night i took 30 tylenol.i seriously wanted to die. thank God nothing happened. my mom got out of a half way house and moved in with me and my grandparents. she noticed that i was withdrawn and i didnt eat much. i had lost 15 lbs. she read my diary and found out that i was cutting. she talked to me about it and at the time, i had to reason to stop. i told her i would, but i didnt. after a while, i felt so crazy that i went to my school counselor for help. i stopped cutting for a few months, and i worked out some things with my grandparents. my dad came home from iraq. i began searching for God. i got saved one night at kingdom bound. i try to live my life for Christ. my dad recently got remarried to a woman named becky. she is one of the most horrible people that i know. sometimes its hard for me to love her, but i know that if God loves her, i have to try. i am friends with my ex-boyfriend now. things are really going good mostly. sometimes i want to cut myself really bad, but i play my guitar, call someone or go for a walk. God has really made a BIG impact in my life.
i havent cut for half a year now, and i am at a normal weight.
things do get better, and you can get through your struggle with si. i know. it happened to me.
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