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Am I alone?


Hey im Erica. I'm in grade 9 and would love to share my story with you.So when i was in grade 7-8 i began cutting. At first it wasnt anything big, one day i tired it to just experiment. I didn't like it. Little did i know it would soon lead into being my way of coping. I began to cut in the August before i started gr. 8. I cut becuase i felt alone, i felt like i wasn't good enough for anyone, that no one care. I felt like everyone was looking at me and thinking, she's useless lets keep moving. I felt like everything that went wrong was my fault. Friendships were ending, fights with my siblings, stress at school, grades going down. No one seemed impressed with me at all. And i thought, here i am, alone, worthless, and it's all my fault.

I am a Christian, and all i was thinking the whole time was wow, God hates me. I cut, I cut to punish myself, i cut becuase in a wierd way it felt good. It felt like a weight just got lifted off my shoulders, like everything would be okay. But the feeling didn't always last for to long. Something would happen. Something would make me feel brutal. And my problem was, i felt like no one would understand i felt like i was the only one that felt this way and that no one would even care. Brett came and talked to my class about all of this. Then i noticed i am not alone. I noticed there are other people who feel the exact same way as i do. I felt like i finally found someone i could open up to. So i talked to brett, brett supplied me with the help i needed. I e-mailed brett, brett had a book, it was called "analyze Yourself". it helped me reallize alot about myself. And in the meantime i told a few friends, and my youth leader. And when i told them, i got alot of support from them. I realized people weren't judging me but they were there to help me. I got a reassurance. I did eventually stop with the help and support of brett, friends and family. I also had the help from God. When i finally relized that God wasn't the one causing me all this pain i prayed to him and just asked him to help me. I basically recommeted my life to him. Now a days a will be honest with you i do think about cutting, but everytime i do i run to the friends, family and God, who i know are all t here to support me and i get the help i need. Basically i think the best thing i did for myself was tell someone. If you need help, the first step is asking for it.

Erica




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Laurie said:

  im praying for you
May 22, 2007

Erica said:

  Thanks Laurie i really appreciate that! God Bless
May 27, 2007

Laurie said:

  No Problem! smilies/smiley.gif
June 08, 2007

Stephanie said:

  hey hun...i would like to recommend another book to you which was very helpful for me. "Deceived by shame, desired by God." my story is also on this site, called i am a friend of God. i'm glad to hear your stoy, and see that you understand the reasons for your cutting, Remember that you are a gift to this world, and that no other could replace YOU!
July 20, 2007

Pauline said:

  Hang in there. Let us know how youre doing.
August 26, 2007

Pauline said:

  Hi. Erica. I will be praying for strength and joy for you this week. Shine your light.
September 11, 2007

Erica said:

  Hey Stephanie!
Thank you so much i will look into that book!... and i will read your story for sure!...thankx so much those words are encouraging
October 05, 2007

Erica said:

  Hey Pauline,
thankx it its great to always know that people care, i am doing ok right now
these last few months have been super hard my best friend moved to california friends died, or got seriously injured, started grade 10 etc. i have been good tho, i have been turning to prayer and the bible instead of cutting but i have thought of it in a way as, when i cut, im not only hurting myself but im hurting those around me because that is not how they want me to be. thankx so much for caring im praying for you all!!
October 05, 2007

stephanie said:

  hi erica... thank you so much for reading my story and for your encouraging words. God definately works in ways that may not seem to be the ways that we would, but we need to know that He is so much greater than anyone or anything else that we could even imagine. He is always with us, through each struggle, and we just need to find shelter in the shadow of his wings! God Bless. I am so happy to hear that you are pressing into God and into the Living Word. Yes cutting does not only hurt the person doing it, but also the ones who love the individual.

please feel free to conract me at
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
October 11, 2007

erica said:

  thanks so much steph! i really appreciate your cares for my story i just hope that people that struggle can realize that there really is a way out and you arent alone and there are alway people around you that care!
&heartssmilies/grin.gifaughter of God!
November 11, 2007

Emma said:

  I am so glad that you could be so honest and that you had such a great support system. You seem like a really amazing girl. Your story is a blessing to those who now struggle. I have a friend who is dealing with cutting... she is a younger girl in my church and she was my camper and i want to be able to help her. I am not sure what I can do for her. I have offered to be a support for her. But she doesn't seem to be taking it. I am so happy that she has been honest with me about her struggle but she hasn't went into detail. It is definately something she is hiding from her family but I would never want to rat her out and tell them. She trusts me. What do you think I could do for her. How did your family and friends support you? She is in your general age category... so I think that you can relate really well. I have struggled with thoughts of self harm but have never followed through. So I want to be able to relate with her... but it's not I guess that easy. Well I thank you so much for your honesty. You are so courageous. God bless...
Emma
February 19, 2008

Jessika said:

  I support you... smilies/smiley.gif
February 29, 2008

zach said:

  this wont be ease for u to reed im stoped i cant right or reed or speel well but i just wont u to no i no haw u feal i bee thar and i no haw it feals when it seems like everoun hats u even god but thats just in are heds it just the devils game of leding us away from gos and we muct realized that good loves ua and as prof of that he sakrofict his own sun for us and i am willing to give my sol for all of u k
April 28, 2008

zach said:

  just keep hanging in thar
May 01, 2008

Erica said:

  Emma - I would love to talk to you more to help you figure out a way to help your camper, honestly you have already done alot with letting her know that you are going to be there for her, that i realized was amazing when i was cutting, because it did sho me that some people care. add me to msn and we can talk more - This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

Jessika!- Thank you so much for your suport its greatly appreciated!

Zach- Thanks for those words, they are very encouraging, im definately hangin in. God bless!
November 12, 2008

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